selectiveparticipation

Archive for February 2012

Remember how I said that I rather have a million fights with him than go a day without his name aprearing on my phone? Guess I was wrong, in a way. I still wish that would be the case, that I could have that, without the fights of course. But I realize that the word “can’t” is a word I have to learn to accept. There’s only so much I can take and the truth is, I don’t need that in my life right now. Or ever for that matter.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with what that is, let me give a quick summary, have in mind that I’m not a religious person. Lent is something that Catholics do, We give up something such as a habit or an addiction we have (facebook, twitter etc.) for 40 day’s. Oh, you also don’t eat meat on friday’s. Were on the same page now? Yes? Okay. As I’ve said, I’m not a religious person and have not participated in Lent for years. Besides the not eating meat on friday’s part. This year I decided to actually participate and give something up, time passed by and I realized that it was the day before it started and I still didn’t know what that thing was. Therefore, I had successfully procrastinated on a religious matter. Oh the levels I can procrastinate amazes me.

I spoke briefly with my parents about it, and by briefly, I mean briefly, we don’t see eye to eye on religion so I always try to dodge them before they start telling me I’m going to hell for not being a religious person. I decided I was either going to give up Milk or hot sauce, seeing as I’m addicted to both. You could say I’m a milkaholic. But after thinking about it, I decided that instead of giving up something, I would do something. I’m going to spend more time with my family. Yes I know something that isn’t common, but I always distant myself from all of them and do the teenager thing and lock myself in my room. So, here I am, one day in and I’m already dying. Oh how the generations have changed.

I think I’m going to start a series if you will, “Lent Challenge.” to hell I go.

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As the year goes on I find myself learning more lessons, which is ironic seeing as I’m not exactly doing something big to be learning so much. I’ve found out that I haven’t been anti-social for the last four years for no reason. When you’re around bad people, it just keeps bringing you down. Luckily I took care of that problem years ago and yes I did get called names for not talking to people, but hey, that’s high school for ya. Didn’t matter though, real friends stayed by my side and I was perfectly happy. Years down the road, I find myself in a similar situation, only this time it’s not a bad person, it’s someone who is very dear to me, a certain someone who knows me better than anyone else. Someone whom I call my best friend. What happens when that person just want’s to leave your life? Not just that, but leave your life with you need them the most. Then there’s those tweets or status’ that always say, “If he can’t handle you at your worst than he doesn’t deserve you at your best.” Which seems like the logical thing to do, just cut that person out, because that person doesn’t even want to be in your life. But the reality is, that’s hard. You can’t just cut someone out of your life like that, not when they’ve meant so much to you. And I know that the reason this person wants to leave my life is because truth in the matter is, I’m not okay, I’m not dandy, I’m not myself. I’m not that person that he’s known for all those years. I have let this shadow suck me in and take me over. We both know that it’s for the best, he knows that if he sticks around it’ll only make things worse, we’ve always had this crash of personality’s if you will, it would usually balance itself out, usually. Not these times though, these times are different. We both know it and maybe it is time for me to let go. But I can’t. I just can’t. I rather have a million fights with him than go a day without his name aprearing on my phone.

 

Well, I cooked two weeks ago or so, but i’ve been sick and haven’t been able to write. Which sucks because I love writing, even though I fail at life with keeping this blog posted, I write a lot outside of the blog and i’m still trying to get on the blog-wagon and update like a normal person, but that will require me to get used to things.

Anyway, back to the topic in which I started writing this post. I actually cooked, I didn’t get to the cook one of things I listed in a previous post, mainly because I wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked. After figuring out what I could do with what I had, I made some sort of complicated tuna sandwich, I say complicated because it was actually complicated. I didn’t understand why put in so many things. But once I put everything to bake and actually sat down to eat it, Well it was actually good. My parents were surprised once they tasted it, and actually, wait for it, loved it! It felt good cooking, and I will admit that I bullshit’d some of the recipe, What? You can’t expect me to follow the rules. Not even when it comes down to cooking.