selectiveparticipation

Being content scares me

Posted on: July 19, 2012

I’m genuinely content with my life right now. Although my job sucks, I’m saving money and if all goes to plans, I’ll be leaving this dreadful city in late august. Moving to the city of my dreams, that is. Things with my family are actually good, better than they have been in a very, very long time. I got rid of people that were in my life that really didn’t deserve a place in it and only kept real friends that only care for my well being. And to top it all off, planning a tip to London next year with some of my closets friends. I no longer feel any despair or sorrow and feel as though I am going somewhere in life. 

And it just hit me like a train moments ago. I’m content, happy per say. Which can only mean one thing, something is gonna happen and ruin this bubble I’ve finally managed to make. This seems to happen each time I’m happy and now I find myself chanting “I’m not happy, I’m not happy.” Just so life won’t take these moments from me. Even if I have been able to get this personality of being optimistic no matter what happens, is it bad that I’m sick and tired of having to pull a smile and telling myself that everything will be okay? Is it bad that I’m sick of having to pull myself up from things that keep happening to me? I know that life is all about making mistakes and learning from them, its all about life lessons. But still, it would be nice to be happy with life and not have to over think everything and worry about the next tragedy that will happening.

And yet, every tragedy has a blessing in disguise if you look close enough. Bring it on, life.

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