selectiveparticipation

Archive for August 2013

I recently had to go to the ER because I was having abdominal pain, not that I was too thrilled with that. I had called a nurse hotline to get a second opinion, after answering her questions, she then advised me to get to the ER within the next hour, at first I still did not want to, but my friend who was visiting me insisted we should go if the nurse said so. 4 hours in the waiting room and over 4 hours for my test results to get back, later, they informed me the same exact thing I had told them I had, but with a fancy name.

Now I’m usually not upset about wasting time that much, because I do waste time a lot. What got to me was the fact that I don’t have health insurance, so I knew this was going to cost an arm and a leg; soon enough I got a medecial bill for over 3,000 dollars….for just the room, I then got two other bills for the doctor fee and the test fee’s, not to mention the $968 that I already paid the day I went to the ER. I was able to get a 40% discount for the 3,000 dolllars since I paid upfront the day at the ER so Now I have to pay around $1,750 in payments for the next nine months. Still a lot of money but not as bad as 3,000. Plus the rest of the bills that I still have to pay.

So here I am at age 20 and in medical debt. And there wasn’t even anything bad wrong with me. It got me to think:What if it was something life threatening or if one day I need medical help? what if god forbid I have a terminal illness, what would I possibly do then. Gotta hope for the best till then and pay off these bills first. i guess.

Canada looks pretty good right now

“Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?”

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

 That’s a quote from Perks of being a wallflower (good book as well as movie if you haven’t heard of it before!)

I start this post with this quote because it’s appropriate and relevant to the topic. I find myself wondering why people let the wrong people in, ya know? When you’re trying to be there for someone but they just…don’t let you.

 

I met a guy who I’ve admired for a number of years, we really hit if off and we started to talk and hang out when we could, since we live in different states. I’ll tell you, I was on cloud nine alright.

 

But my fantasy soon came to an end, he came to Seattle for a convention that we were both attending and we got to spend some time together but by then, the glamorous side of things were starting to wear off, he had been distant the last week before the convention, I thought it was odd since we were both excited to spend some time together, I didn’t give it much thought since he isn’t the best texter and is always in his own little world, I’m not one that needs a lot of attention so I was perfectly fine with us having space.

 

The convention date rolled around and it was time for us to see each other, now I’ll admit it, I was pretty excited to see him. And just between us, I had a countdown on my desk at work.

When we were finally able to have one on one time with each other, I had a little discussion with him and we left on good terms kind of, I took him to the airport a few days later and we discussed a couple of things again.

He hopped on his flight saying we’d discuss this again, who knew that was the last time I would see and properly speak to him again. And yet, he became good friends with people that only use him.

 

Which is why I mentioned that quote above, I recently watched Perks of being a wallflower again and that quote stood out to me. I had nothing but good intentions and wanted to be there for him, to support him in whatever he did. But he cut me off while the people he let stay are only using him, not supporting him nor being there for him. I can tell he feels alone and I wish I could do something, but you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.

 

Now, he did contact me after that day at the airport  to apologize and tell me his reasons on why he became distant with me, saying that it’s hard for him to let people in and that he always pushes them away, apologized in general. Not exactly a happy ending but at least I know that I meant something to him. Even if things didn’t work out, I wish him the best in whatever he decides to do with his life. He was the most genuine person I had ever met in a while that actually cared about people as much as I do.

 

He doesn’t accept the love he deserves. but I hope that one day he does.