selectiveparticipation

Archive for December 2013

I hate bills, I hate rent. I hate having to get up in the morning and have to work, I hate that I’m actually really happy that I got that job because without it, I wouldn’t have survived much longer. But I hate this feeling. Feeling like I’m twice my age when I’m only 20. I hate having so many┬áresponsibilities when I can barely remember to do my laundry. I hate the fact that I have so many dreams but I’m always too tired for them. I hate having nothing to look forward to except 6 p.m because that’s when I get off work. I hate that the highlight of my week is when I get to have my two days off, that I spend doing nothing productive because I’m too mentally drained from work and all I wanna do is lay and bed and do nothing.

But I also can’t sand ┬áthe idea of me returning to that awful city. I dare not to imagine life back there. Bad memories and no future is what I see. I worked so hard to get out of there. I work so hard to stay out. So I refuse to go out without a fight. I may hate bills and responsibilities but I love the freedom.

I love helping people at my job. I love having the honor to work where I work. I love traveling, oh how I love to travel. I love seeing new places and meeting new people. I love the endless possibilities even if I’m having hard time reaching for them. But I hope that I’m able to at least try. Over a year ago I simply did that. reached out and tried and now I’m here.

So maybe that was the first step to unlocking something greater than I would have imagined.

Here’s fo hoping

hate/love adult life

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I recently went to New York for the first time to see Ed Sheeran live at Madison Square Garden.

Why yes, I did fly across the country for a concert. This is the third time I’ve seen him live, the same set and I am still in awe of this man. If you’ve never heard his music, I highly recommend it, if you ever get the chance to see him live, take it. I have never admired an artist as much as I admire him. When I heard that he was going to play MSG, I was ready to go through the hunger games to get tickets to that show. Thankfully; I didn’t have to kill anyone and was able to get floor seats for his show! I then procrastinated and booked my flight, where we were staying as well as asked time off from work, last-minute (but what else is new.)

The day finally rolled around and I was off to the airport with a copy of Enders game for company. I landed in New Jersey and started my journey to Brooklyn where we were staying and of course, being me, I got lost for about 5-6 hours. I eventually did get to the destination. As I collapsed on the floor all I could think about was:

A. I really need to work on reading subway maps

B. The air isn’t as polluted as I thought and

C. I’m in New York, I actually did it.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve always loved New York and everything about it. I even wanted to live there most of my life (I had a poster that I made myself, it said “NEW YORK” in glitter that I hung in my room.) It wasn’t until I truly fell in love with Seattle and Washington state that I decided that maybe New York wasn’t for me, for now. But the fact that I was actually there and able to walk the streets that I’ve seen in pictures and movies, was beyond surreal for me.

I stayed there from the 31st of October-3rd of November. Too short of a trip for my taste but I’ll be visiting again soon, I hope!

In my time there, I went sight-seeing, ate at delicious food places, got to see friends that I haven’t seen in a long time and of course, got to see Ed live. (best show of my life tbh)

My only regret was not being able to see Dylan Sprouse when I was visiting the NYU campus. Maybe next time, Dylan. (Not creepy way wink)

Here are some pictures of my trip!