selectiveparticipation

I hate bills, I hate rent. I hate having to get up in the morning and have to work, I hate that I’m actually really happy that I got that job because without it, I wouldn’t have survived much longer. But I hate this feeling. Feeling like I’m twice my age when I’m only 20. I hate having so many responsibilities when I can barely remember to do my laundry. I hate the fact that I have so many dreams but I’m always too tired for them. I hate having nothing to look forward to except 6 p.m because that’s when I get off work. I hate that the highlight of my week is when I get to have my two days off, that I spend doing nothing productive because I’m too mentally drained from work and all I wanna do is lay and bed and do nothing.

But I also can’t sand  the idea of me returning to that awful city. I dare not to imagine life back there. Bad memories and no future is what I see. I worked so hard to get out of there. I work so hard to stay out. So I refuse to go out without a fight. I may hate bills and responsibilities but I love the freedom.

I love helping people at my job. I love having the honor to work where I work. I love traveling, oh how I love to travel. I love seeing new places and meeting new people. I love the endless possibilities even if I’m having hard time reaching for them. But I hope that I’m able to at least try. Over a year ago I simply did that. reached out and tried and now I’m here.

So maybe that was the first step to unlocking something greater than I would have imagined.

Here’s fo hoping

hate/love adult life

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