selectiveparticipation

Archive for the ‘What Irks me’ Category

I remember watching shows and movies with strong female characters and not being able to get enough of it, pretending to be just like them when I would play games by myself in my room or with friends. One of my favorite memories is after I had watched “She Devil” for the millionth time, I would write little lists on pink notebook paper with a rose pen and just laugh to myself as if it was an inside joke. These days its harder to find new shows with such strong character as the ones I was use to growing up. Which makes me sad. I have a little sister and I want her to grow up with characters just like I did. I saw that it was okay to have girl power and that just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean you can’t go far. Being a girl was always in your benefit in those shows. I’m thinking of  just having her watch the shows that I did when I was her age.

And don’t get me started on video games. What I would give to be able to have her play games that didn’t have to do with cooking or dressing up.  I might as well create my own show and video game at this point. (If I had any art skills lol)

Let me know if you have any suggestions of shows or video games for my sister and I to play 🙂

 

Girl Power?

I hate bills, I hate rent. I hate having to get up in the morning and have to work, I hate that I’m actually really happy that I got that job because without it, I wouldn’t have survived much longer. But I hate this feeling. Feeling like I’m twice my age when I’m only 20. I hate having so many responsibilities when I can barely remember to do my laundry. I hate the fact that I have so many dreams but I’m always too tired for them. I hate having nothing to look forward to except 6 p.m because that’s when I get off work. I hate that the highlight of my week is when I get to have my two days off, that I spend doing nothing productive because I’m too mentally drained from work and all I wanna do is lay and bed and do nothing.

But I also can’t sand  the idea of me returning to that awful city. I dare not to imagine life back there. Bad memories and no future is what I see. I worked so hard to get out of there. I work so hard to stay out. So I refuse to go out without a fight. I may hate bills and responsibilities but I love the freedom.

I love helping people at my job. I love having the honor to work where I work. I love traveling, oh how I love to travel. I love seeing new places and meeting new people. I love the endless possibilities even if I’m having hard time reaching for them. But I hope that I’m able to at least try. Over a year ago I simply did that. reached out and tried and now I’m here.

So maybe that was the first step to unlocking something greater than I would have imagined.

Here’s fo hoping

hate/love adult life

One of the things that I hate the most that people do, are assumptions.

Assuming that I’m with someone because of a picture that I was tagged in, with a friend.

Assuming how I am because of the way I use to be when I was 15.

Assuming a status or tweet is about you.

NO. stop that. If you don’t hear it from my mouth, then it isn’t true, we’re not in some gossip girl episode and I would love to stop feeling like I was.

Or better yet, don’t act like we’re in high school, because I graduated from there two years ago and so did you. Act like it.

I was called immature today, normally I dismiss judgement without a second thought.
But this was different, not only because that was the first time I was called immature, but for the reasons I was given. I was called immature because I attend concerts. I was told I act like a preteen because I like to go on twitter. I was named these things because of how I like to spend my free time. And that, right there, irks me.
I understand that there has been a huge phenomenon going around with “fangirls” and how pop culture is affecting the world in different ways; with this said, I do not understand how I fall into this category. So I’m going to address the points I was given:
1.) “You attend concerts.” Why yes, yes I do. I absolutely adore going to concerts. I can’t think of a better atmosphere than when I go to a concert and I’m around people who like the same music I do, even if it’s just one band or artist. There’s no better feeling in the world than coming together to support someone who you admire. Singing along to songs that have saved your life or maybe just made you smile in some point in time.
2.) “You go on twitter all the time.” Guilty, I do seem to always go on twitter. I fail to see how that would make me immature or a preteen.
3.) “All you care about are your stupid bands.” This was probably the one that insulted me the most, because A. They are not “stupid little bands.” and B. I have so many interests but yes, music is a huge interest for me. I do enjoy to watch interviews and follow them on twitter, so what? I don’t stalk their every move nor do I think I’m going to marry the male members in bands that I like. I don’t build my entire world around bands and even if I did, what’s the big problem?
Bands, artists and the entertainment industry in general isn’t just designed for preteens, music shouldn’t have an age group. Music is a beautiful thing and while I am aware that there are people out there that just enjoy an artist because of their looks and not the music, I am not one of those people. And would what they do be called “immature”? I also know a lot people who do that and they aren’t preteens. I know plenty of preteens that have amazing taste in music. So why does it fall into that category?

Don’t label someone just by something they enjoy to do. We aren’t files in a filing cabbinet.

I recently had to go to the ER because I was having abdominal pain, not that I was too thrilled with that. I had called a nurse hotline to get a second opinion, after answering her questions, she then advised me to get to the ER within the next hour, at first I still did not want to, but my friend who was visiting me insisted we should go if the nurse said so. 4 hours in the waiting room and over 4 hours for my test results to get back, later, they informed me the same exact thing I had told them I had, but with a fancy name.

Now I’m usually not upset about wasting time that much, because I do waste time a lot. What got to me was the fact that I don’t have health insurance, so I knew this was going to cost an arm and a leg; soon enough I got a medecial bill for over 3,000 dollars….for just the room, I then got two other bills for the doctor fee and the test fee’s, not to mention the $968 that I already paid the day I went to the ER. I was able to get a 40% discount for the 3,000 dolllars since I paid upfront the day at the ER so Now I have to pay around $1,750 in payments for the next nine months. Still a lot of money but not as bad as 3,000. Plus the rest of the bills that I still have to pay.

So here I am at age 20 and in medical debt. And there wasn’t even anything bad wrong with me. It got me to think:What if it was something life threatening or if one day I need medical help? what if god forbid I have a terminal illness, what would I possibly do then. Gotta hope for the best till then and pay off these bills first. i guess.

Canada looks pretty good right now

I was compared recently, by my mother to a cousin of mine, a not very nice cousin I should add.

Thinking about it more just gets to me, why do people think it’s okay to compare people. As if you need that in the back of your mind.

“Oh maybe if I was more like them, things would be better.” Like, NO. Be yourself, that’s what you have to do. Now I know when people are growing up, you don’t always know who you really are. But once you know, don’t ever let that go. Don’t let anyone tell you how to act, how to dress, what to say and don’t you dare let anyone tell you what to do with your life. Because it’s not theirs, even if those people are your own parents. Most of the time they may have the best interest for you. But they still don’t own you. That’s something I always struggled with growing up, I wasn’t what my parents wanted. My views on things and in life in general were very different to theirs. Every time I would try to please them, I wasn’t happy at all. I learned from a young age that I couldn’t be doing things that other people wanted me to do. Because that wasn’t me, that wasn’t who I was and wasn’t who I wanted to be. I’m still trying to figure out what I want for myself in the future but at least I know who I am. I know the things I like and don’t like, my past, my hopes and dreams. So being compared to someone else that is completely different than I am, irks me. What makes you think that I would ever want do anything that they have done? What makes you think that I even want to be like them?

You don’t. So don’t compare me.

I can’t count the times that I heard the words, “I promise.” Only to be disappointed at the end when they didn’t follow through.

When I say, “I promise to be there.” I’ll be there. If I say, “I promise I won’t do that again.” You better believe I won’t don’t that again. If I say, “I promise not to tell anyone.” No one else will hear the words you say to me. Maybe that’s what blows my mind about the whole situation, the fact that I have such a strong sense of the word, promise, that it’s hard to remember that the overall population of the world doesn’t value it. Which is sad to think about, as kids the thing we valued more than play time and snacks were promises. If you pinky promised you’d play tag with someone at recess the next day, there were no monkey bars that crossed your mind.

It might be silly of me, but I still do pinky promises. I know how much it hurts to be waiting for someone who never shows. The sting you feel when you find someone you care about doing something they promised they wouldn’t do. But what hurts the most, is that moment when you remember that time they said, “I promise.” And for that moment, you believed them.