selectiveparticipation

Posts Tagged ‘dreams

Today I woke up sick, tired and no will of getting up. I called in sick and went back to sleep for hours. I’m still not feeling so  good and so lifeless, but here I am.

When I was working last year, I felt like this, I wasn’t going anywhere, I would just get through the day only to get home and lie down, completely lifeless and no creative bone in my body.  And repeat. I feel like this is my life now and like I’ve mentioned before, I’ll wake up one day at age 40 to realize that’s all I’ve been doing with my life is getting through the day.

That’s not what I imagined in my life. that’s not what I believed would happen to me. And yes, it is true that I do need this job. But I’m trying to push myself and work on projects here and there so I can one day find out what I want to do with my life and do something with it. During my breaks and lunches I’ve been planning and working on all of my projects. When I get home and on my days off I have been working on them as well. I feel so much better about everything. I want to be able to do this. I want to prove to myself that those “silly dreams” that everyone would shun me for, aren’t silly at all.

It is hard for me to continue this mindset and I did have a mini meltdown at work on Thursday, but I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. So here I am, inspired and finding my will to get up in the morning again. Even if I was down today, I’m trying to get back up.

And speaking of projects, me and my friends have gathered together and decided to create a girl collab channel, we see different guy collabs all the time. The only girl collab channel that I’ve seen has to do with makeup, which I love but I want to show all girls that makeup isn’t the only way we have to do things. So if you’re interested, you can watch our trailer here: We start uploading tomorrow! (I’m still awkward on camera.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHQqm-I1oFQ

Now back to bed to rest so I may continue my journey.

I’ve been gone for what seems like forever from this blog and I feel bad because I never finish anything, but I’m back and I’m not going to let this become one of those things on that long list.

In the mean time that I’ve been gone, I flew across the country to Florida, met some friends that I’ve been talking to for over three years and attended Playlist live. Not only was it my first time on the east coast, but it was also the first time I had traveled by myself by plane. You can only imagine the nerves I had before boarding the plane. But I made it alive and back as you can tell. I do have one thing to ask before I continue, How do people breathe in Florida?! I felt like I was trying to breathe water!

Moving on, my trip in Florida was amazing, I had so much fun with my friends and met a lot of new ones as well. I got to meet a lot of people I admired and didn’t think I’d ever come across. But the true magic happened after my trip, the moment I stepped off my plane when it landed back home in Seattle, I had a voicemail, from someone who was offering me a job and let me just say that it was like god had just answered my prayer, I had to go through three interviews, and a series of tests after that call but I landed the job, so you can only imagine how fast I quit my job at the store that I was currently working at.

And now I’m more financially stable, even though I may or may have not become a shopping addict, I’m working on it, I promise. But my life is just beginning, it’s getting close to a year that I moved out of my parents house and that town that was a dead end so I can’t let all of this go to waste.

I have ambition, I’m stronger than I thought I was and now I know that. So this is just the beginning.