selectiveparticipation

Posts Tagged ‘money

I started work again, after 8 weeks of being away, getting into the hang of things was hard. I forgot almost everything and had to wait a while before I could actually start working because my computer would just not work. I was a little relieved when that was happening though. I didn’t really want to face reality just yet, even if I knew from the moment I woke up, to the moment I set foot at the office that today was the day I had to start working again.

It all worked out and I only had to ACTUALLY work for two hours, yay, kind of. Today was my monday and like I’ve mentioned countless times, it begins once again. 9-6 every day, for five days a week, every week. Waking up, commute included it’s actually 7-7, every day, five days a week.

I am thankful to have a job and be able to work good hours with good pay. Extremely grateful for that. It’s the life that my job drains out of me that is my problem. I’m always so tired, so lifeless, so…unlike myself.

when im at work the only thing that gets me through the day are my ideas of my next project, of what I’m going to do when I get home. What I end up doing is lay in bed like a sloth and go on social media sites, telling myself I’ll get up in 20 minutes. It turns into one in the morning and I have to go to sleep to start my day all over again.

And repeat.

The thoughts of messing up at my job and the idea of living my life as a uninspired office worker for the rest of my life keep me up at night.

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I’ve gone back and forth between the idea of going to college or not, mostly because I’m not sure if it’s worth it. I’ve been told since I was little that I have to do good in school in order to go to college, that seems to be the ultimate goal in life. We’re taught that we won’t get anywhere in life unless we follow this plan that was designed since before our birth. But I don’t believe that plan is all correct. I’m a big believer in working your way to the top.

Now that I’ve been in the real world, I see that all employer’s want is  experience, which discourages me about college. I don’t want to be in debt for the rest of my life with a degree that didn’t get me anywhere. Further more, I’m not so sure if I want to even try. I didn’t do very good in High School so my options may be limited. Not to mention the fact that I don’t learn like the rest, I have my own way of doing things and my brain has its own process. Having to go go go, might set me up for failure.

lastly, I really have no idea what  degree to go for. I know that we can change the major but I really just want to make those changes as little as possible, because time is money. All of this just stresses me out. I have a good friend who’s going to help me study for the SAT’s and I for one, am terrified.

 In a distant dream, I would study abroad. But I don’t think I would be able to do that. It’s a sad, sad day in Cynthia town.

I’ve pretty much just went on and on about how bad of an idea this is, maybe I just want to go to college for the experience? I’m not sure that’s a good thing. But I’d love to have that in my life and be able to meet various new people and get a taste of the school life. Not to party or for frat boys, but just to network and learn about different things. I do like learning, I have a lot of random interest and I would love to take classes on them but, will that get me anywhere?

Or is it too late now that I’ve pretty much taken a two, almost three year, gap year.

I recently had to go to the ER because I was having abdominal pain, not that I was too thrilled with that. I had called a nurse hotline to get a second opinion, after answering her questions, she then advised me to get to the ER within the next hour, at first I still did not want to, but my friend who was visiting me insisted we should go if the nurse said so. 4 hours in the waiting room and over 4 hours for my test results to get back, later, they informed me the same exact thing I had told them I had, but with a fancy name.

Now I’m usually not upset about wasting time that much, because I do waste time a lot. What got to me was the fact that I don’t have health insurance, so I knew this was going to cost an arm and a leg; soon enough I got a medecial bill for over 3,000 dollars….for just the room, I then got two other bills for the doctor fee and the test fee’s, not to mention the $968 that I already paid the day I went to the ER. I was able to get a 40% discount for the 3,000 dolllars since I paid upfront the day at the ER so Now I have to pay around $1,750 in payments for the next nine months. Still a lot of money but not as bad as 3,000. Plus the rest of the bills that I still have to pay.

So here I am at age 20 and in medical debt. And there wasn’t even anything bad wrong with me. It got me to think:What if it was something life threatening or if one day I need medical help? what if god forbid I have a terminal illness, what would I possibly do then. Gotta hope for the best till then and pay off these bills first. i guess.

Canada looks pretty good right now