selectiveparticipation

Posts Tagged ‘scared

I started work again, after 8 weeks of being away, getting into the hang of things was hard. I forgot almost everything and had to wait a while before I could actually start working because my computer would just not work. I was a little relieved when that was happening though. I didn’t really want to face reality just yet, even if I knew from the moment I woke up, to the moment I set foot at the office that today was the day I had to start working again.

It all worked out and I only had to ACTUALLY work for two hours, yay, kind of. Today was my monday and like I’ve mentioned countless times, it begins once again. 9-6 every day, for five days a week, every week. Waking up, commute included it’s actually 7-7, every day, five days a week.

I am thankful to have a job and be able to work good hours with good pay. Extremely grateful for that. It’s the life that my job drains out of me that is my problem. I’m always so tired, so lifeless, so…unlike myself.

when im at work the only thing that gets me through the day are my ideas of my next project, of what I’m going to do when I get home. What I end up doing is lay in bed like a sloth and go on social media sites, telling myself I’ll get up in 20 minutes. It turns into one in the morning and I have to go to sleep to start my day all over again.

And repeat.

The thoughts of messing up at my job and the idea of living my life as a uninspired office worker for the rest of my life keep me up at night.

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I graduated high school in the summer of last year and I decided to take a year off. Well, I planned on taking some time off, but you know how these things go, it ended up being a year. I was just so sick and tired of having to deal with people who were completely and utterly not worth my time. Walking down a hall full of people you despise is not exactly the best way to spend most of your years. All that time I spent after high school, I made peace with the fact that I’m just gonna have to deal with the fact that we all share our world with a bunch of twats and I know that the entire human population isn’t the same.

Therefore, I am finally going back to school and starting college this fall, I’ve been accepted into all the colleges that I applied to and currently working on scholarships, financial aid, looking for an apartment (All the colleges are in a different city.) as well as getting to know two of my potential room-mates with my best friend who is also moving with me. Overwhelmed is the best word that describe me right now. For the overall experience I am beyond excited that I will be able to stretch my wings and see where I can fly to. But I’m also a bit scared seeing as I’ve always been a very sheltered child and don’t have the slightest clue on what I am doing.

But if I don’t take this step I will never be able to reach my full potential. I want to see the world, I have to start somewhere.