selectiveparticipation

Posts Tagged ‘working

I’ve been working on my frist video on the collab channel with my friends for a while, including many melt downs with different editing programs, exporting, editing the video itself, it not coming out as I had imagined it and repeat.

But now that im all done and it just went live, im beyond happy. It’s pretty late so I know it won’t do so good with views but I’ve never cared for that.

Something that I created in my mind now has a physical form and its a beautiful thing. It’s still rough around the edges but its my baby.I’m currently working on my other projects and next weeks video, as well as trying to stay productive. Lets see if I can continue this pattern. But not post so late lol.

check out the video here! I would love to hear any feedback

 

I started work again, after 8 weeks of being away, getting into the hang of things was hard. I forgot almost everything and had to wait a while before I could actually start working because my computer would just not work. I was a little relieved when that was happening though. I didn’t really want to face reality just yet, even if I knew from the moment I woke up, to the moment I set foot at the office that today was the day I had to start working again.

It all worked out and I only had to ACTUALLY work for two hours, yay, kind of. Today was my monday and like I’ve mentioned countless times, it begins once again. 9-6 every day, for five days a week, every week. Waking up, commute included it’s actually 7-7, every day, five days a week.

I am thankful to have a job and be able to work good hours with good pay. Extremely grateful for that. It’s the life that my job drains out of me that is my problem. I’m always so tired, so lifeless, so…unlike myself.

when im at work the only thing that gets me through the day are my ideas of my next project, of what I’m going to do when I get home. What I end up doing is lay in bed like a sloth and go on social media sites, telling myself I’ll get up in 20 minutes. It turns into one in the morning and I have to go to sleep to start my day all over again.

And repeat.

The thoughts of messing up at my job and the idea of living my life as a uninspired office worker for the rest of my life keep me up at night.

I feel twice my age. I wake up around 5:40 in the morning to leave my house at 6. I work from 7-4pm, five days a week, also required to work at least one day in the weekend. After I get off work, I just lay around and watch TV. The pay is good, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like my life is speeding away. I always talk about how I want to do so much with my life and how I’m not cut out for a normal lifestyle but, here I am. But I know that without this job I wouldn’t be able to do anything really, I could barely live off what I use to make. Now I have rent, bills and medical bills I have to look after on top of gas and such.

Being an adult sucks.

But then yet again, I just got back from an amazing trip to New York (which I will be writing a separate post about) and have been able to not starve to death every day to get by.

I’m just trying to get by but I don’t want to be stressed from work anymore, I want to be able to get up in the morning not wanting to fake my own death just so I wont have to go into work that day.

Now I know why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up.